I know what I know, I am where I am, That's a Thing that I Keep in the Back of My Head

It's semi late. I am in Holland. Thus I am writing an faux insightful blog post with a long title involving mixed in Paul Simon lyrics. Also I made late night ramen.

I am tweeting Pooge, Paige Daniel dear dear friend who I go to Alma with. I am also having a terrific time in Holland.
I celebrated the Korean new year with Sophie which included but was certainly not limited to eating giant pumpkin spice cinnamon rolls.
I am with my family.
I tried playing soccer.
I tried braving the chill of Lake Michigan.

I am getting better at being pleased with where I am in time and space. I used to live then. Always thinking about the future or the past.

An old friend and I once agreed to stop having expectations because they were disappointing. I have had nights of crippling sorrow and anxiety at the hands of nostalgia.

Now I am just happy. When I am away I miss the cinnamon rolls, coffee, people and nature of Holland. When I am gone I miss cuddling Pooge, learning amazing things and the Bruske deer in Alma. But I remain happily walking in the present. Comfort sits on my shoulder and tells me I will be reunited with my beloveds when they time is right.

I don't miss you.

I know that I miss you. You are so long ago. You are so much. You are no more.
I don't miss you. My eyes are drooping. My emotions are stretched and abused by my lack of sleep. You are not an option. You are not you. You were not you.
I only miss you loving me and even the way in which you did that was questionable. I don't miss you I am where I belong this is me and now and I am powerful.
I just want that love sometimes.

Or I just need to see my Soph. Soph makes things better and Soph is safe and Soph is so good.